I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
