Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
