well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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