woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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