Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
