Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize