please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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