My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
