Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
