So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
