ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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