Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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