C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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