I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
