Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
