Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
