my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think I won the penis lottery.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
birth control should be required to get into college
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
