Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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