Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
