That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
