i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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