he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
