if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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