You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
