dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
