I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
