Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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