We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
