I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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