just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
