I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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