We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
