I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dear god my vagina.
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