My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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