they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
