I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
