he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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