I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
