she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
