you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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