Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
