Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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