White coat. Heels.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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