So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
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We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
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I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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