The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
