Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
