everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
