I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
