Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
