moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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