My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
