Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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