I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
