i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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