you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
