i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
