oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
