then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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