Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
