thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
