We won't sleep together?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I fill condoms, not promises.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
