Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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