It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
These tits shall not be calmed
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
