you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
