Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
