is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
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Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
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As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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