Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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