She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
